Painting: Oil on Canvas.

Painted: 2001-2002

Size: 24”X20”

Owner: Mr. and Mrs. Bob Stanley

Music Selection: “American Pie” by Don McLean

This is a very early painting, and it is in my opinion a horrible work. It was inspired by my nephew and other family members that participated in America’s wars. My nephew  is the central figure. I grew up during the Vietnam war. I spent my afternoons watching the news as they gave the body counts at six o’clock. Several members of my family fought in that war, and one still carries shrapnel from the experience. My family has fought in every war in which this country has been involved. In the sixties I guess my generation had become war weary, and students began to rebel. The majority of American men were caught in the crossfire between duty and a distrust of the government that entered that conflict. I saw the strain that war placed on families. Our soldiers were called baby killers and spit on when they came home. One of my friends stuffed his uniform in a bathroom trash can, once he was released from duty, to prevent the hate that would have been directed towards him for doing what he had to do. The reality of that war did not hit home until I registered for selective service (The Draft) and they asked if I had any identifying scars on my body. Fortunately, the war was winding down at that time, and I was not forced to serve.

On September eleventh two thousand and one we were attacked, and I knew we would soon be at war once again. This act of terror ripped off the scab of those old childhood wounds, so I painted this awful canvas thinking of my nephew that was still serving. Little did I know this new war would hit even closer to home. That war would eat my oldest son’s innocence.  It was his time to enter the grist mill. He served several tours between Afghanistan and Iraq, and lives with those images forever burnt into his mind. He also lives with PTSD.

This work was a failed attempt to portray that cognitive dissonance felt in the sixties. Like all my paintings it was an experiment. It is one painting where I did not use a chaotic background. I tried to make the viewer feel like the walls were closing in on those in the painting. You need to ask what is the meaning behind the darkened window and the small door? Why only one single hanging light fixture? Why is the protagonist flanked by the American flag? I used an angular perspective to create space to make the viewer feel like he or she was standing on the middle of the railroad tracks. Why is the protagonist staring wide eyed at the viewer? Is he asking you a question? Is he begging for help or wanting understanding?

I was at a small showing of my art when a friend of mine saw the painting for the first time. He told me that it had a special meaning to him, so I gave him the painting. He lived and fought in that chaotic time. I’m not sure why I took that painting to the showing in the first place. It had been in storage for two decades. Its’ paint was chipped and poorly done, but its’ brokenness felt right, so I varnished it warts and all. This painting should never be repaired because it is and was a bad memory. It is one of those paintings that no one would want to hang on their walls. Norman Rockwell’s paintings are inspiring and warm. They are filled with pleasant memories. This painting does just the opposite. It is like pressing on an old wound. Sometimes we need to press on that old wound just to know we’re alive.